Getting Past NO

Getting Past NO (ISBN 978-0-553-37131-4), first published in September 1991 is a reference book on collaborative negotiation in difficult situations. As a negotiating style, it is neither aggressively competitive nor accommodating and cooperative, but both aggressively cooperative. This book is the sequel to Getting to YES. It is written by William L. Ury and revised in March 2007.

Contents

Overview

The book explains in details how to:

Section summaries

The book has 5 main sections prescribing how a negotiator should get from the confrontation state to the cooperation state during a negotiation:

Don't react: Go to the balcony

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret"

This chapter explains how to stop a confrontation based on the way of thinking that it needs 2 people to entangle a discussion and only one to unlock it. HBN

Going to the balcony is a metaphor used to describe the emotional disconnect one should have instead of reacting to the conflict that arises in your negotiation.

Don't argue: Step to their side

A wise behavior is described as stepping to the other side and try to look the problem their way to better understand their needs and eventually solve the negotiation efficiently in a win/win manner.

Step to their side is focused on the oppositions feelings and standpoint, whereas go to the balcony is centered on your perspective.

Don't reject: Reframe

Based upon psychologic empathic listening technique: rejecting an idea might lead the human who created the idea to feel invalidated himself, Ury recommends then to reframe and build the deal upon the other side's ideas if possible. A deal takes 2 people's point of view to generate 1 solution, it works better if both people are involved and agreed.

Don't push: Build them a golden bridge

"Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across"

Ury claimed that a good negotiation is achieved by 2 negotiators meeting their needs- never one more skilled that overpowers the deal. Because if done so the deal itself is weakened as the loser might not recognize his involvement and his interests in the deal.

Don't escalate: Use power to educate

"The best general is the one who never fights" (Sun Tzu)

Although all the previous chapter was designed to explain the "good behavior" a negotiator might follow to cool himself down or the other negotiator, Ury presents here the authorized more aggressive techniques that a negotiator could draw legitimately in case of closed situation.

See also